Thursday, August 4, 2016

Wherein I have to tell or not to tell..

Because of all the many doctor's appointments I have had to take in the past 2 months that have made need of me leaving work in order to keep them, it has raised some questions with people at work as to what's the matter with me.  Today one of my peers got up the gumption to do just that.  She was concerned that I have had so many doctors appointments and wanted to know if I was all right.  I hesitated a few seconds and just told her I need to have some surgery.  Then I just went ahead and told her what type.  I wasn't sure what reaction that would bring, but she just stared at me for a couple minutes and then said, "ok".  Stone faced.  I am not even sure how to take her reaction.  It was like she would have rather heard I had cancer or something.  I really don't think that she was thinking that and I am sure she was striving to not have any judgment in her face or tone.  I think it's possible that I am going to be sensitive about this issue. 

Apparently, there was a girl that used to work here that did the same thing.  I noticed she lost a lot of weight, but she always wore bulky clothes so I didn't realize she even had a weight problem to begin with.  One day she wasn't wearing her big all-encompassing jacket over her clothes and I saw how tiny she was.  I stopped her and said, "Wow!  You look great.  You've lost a lot of weight haven't you?"  (Well, duh, Shelley).  Of course she was waiting for the obvious next question which was, "what are you doing to get all skinny?"  She told me she was on the South Beach diet and had lost 85 pounds.  Now, I have read the South Beach diet book and even tried it for a few weeks/months on one of my diet made sense, but I found it so restrictive at that time I couldn't even fathom the will power and perseverance she would have had to go through in order to lose that much weight.  I just congratulated her and let her go on her merry way.  Later, I learned that she had WLS as doing the South Beach diet made a lot of sense.  High protein, low carbs...whole foods.  So, yeah...I guess that will be my diet too.  I can't say I blame her for not wanting to tell everyone she had WLS.  It's so personal.  This journey is so personal.  And, other than reading online or going to support groups, there really isn't anyone who truly understands how alone someone feels that is traveling it.  I'd like to say my family understands...but I don't think they can.  Not really.  I mean, before I started contemplating this, researching and coming to a full knowledge of what it will likely entail...I didn't understand.  I also had similar thoughts of: 
  • Why would anyone want to have someone cut their stomach up?
  • Couldn't they just diet and exercise?
  • Isn't that cheating?
  • They took the easy way out!
  • What does a person have to get to before they go that drastic?
Should it matter how a person loses their long as they do it?  I know I shouldn't care and I should just be upfront with everyone about what's going on so life will be more simple.  But, would it be?  People are funny.  There could be anything from encouragement to jealousy in my future.  It's their problem, not mine, but I have that stupid personality where I care what people think of me.  Not that this is enough to stop me from going after what I want, but there are going to be days where it will affect me. tell or not to tell?

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