With all those desperate feelings, I decided to take action on Monday, and made a food plan for my week. Today is Thursday, and I am happy to report that I have been doing very good. I am making sure I am drinking much more water throughout the day, I am following a pre-planned menu and eating things that take me back to my after surgery days. I think I got waylaid by all types of conflicting ideologies, such as, protein drinks, avoid dairy, more vegetables and less protein, etc and so on. I am not saying there is anything wrong with those specific things, it’s just that I know what worked for me, and was working for me, so once I stopped eating all the simple carbs, following a plan that had worked previously and watching my portion sizes, the pounds I packed on, have started coming back off.
On Monday, I weighed myself and I was all the way up to 176.4! Yikes! It was so depressing. But, this morning, I checked my progress and I was 167.2. My guess is, a lot of salt retention from the popcorn, etc. My goal is to try and get back to where my lowest weight was since starting this journey, and we will take it from there. I do feel a lot better already, though. My attitude has improved, my positivity has improved and in general, feel like I had been feeling before. So what did I change? Yogurt is back. Cheese is back. Smaller portions and variety. I am allowing myself a snack if I want it, and make sure it is protein. I am allowing myself to eat fruit and nuts again. I am trying to avoid empty calories or foods that bring on that “out of control” feeling. Things like candy, popcorn, cookies. Yes, I was indulging. I am trying to resist. I don’t expect to be always perfect, but so far have avoided an offer of bundt cake, doughnuts and ice cream at work. Additionally, they had a taco bar at work and I avoided the tortilla and made a taco salad with a small handful of chips. It was very good and I felt satisfied without going too crazy. It was “normal” eating.
I guess it comes down to, one-day-at-a-time. Enough consecutive days will add up to success.
An odd thing happened yesterday. I was at the grocery store and a lady I have known for over a year walked by me. I said hello to her, but she didn’t seem to know who I was, or anyway, only acknowledged me as you would someone that is a stranger saying hello. It bothered me. I mean, come on! It’s me! I am not a stranger. Yes, I have lost weight and yes my body is different, but am I that different? I thought about it for awhile, and then ended up in line behind her at the check out counter. I finally said her name and she looked at me. I had to tell her my name before recognition registered on her face. Omigoodness! This happened at a family reunion last month as well. My own Aunt thought I was someone else and not myself. She has known me my whole life. It makes me wonder if we recognize someone for the entire package of their body matched up to a face, or what? Last evening, my brother and his wife stopped by my home to spend the night on their journey home from visiting family on the Oregon coast. They haven’t seen me since my surgery either. We were sitting in my home visiting and my brother said, “The voice is you, but it’s like it’s coming out of a stranger’s face”. I felt really strange about this. I am not sure if this is all good or just kind of good? Am I losing my identity? Do I need to reinvent myself? I just don’t know…