After my freak out moment a couple days ago when watching the Aubrey in Wonderland videos on youtube, (she is an awesome vlogger and in no way is responsible for my freak out.), I have been trying to re-energize my enthusiasm about this process. I have to put those negative thoughts and worries somewhere else, especially since I should be proud of how far I have come. I have realized though that my emotions become a really big part of how I self-sabotage myself because ever since Tuesday, I have been feeling like I don’t want to put any effort into anything. I haven’t worked out since Monday. I come home from work and sit on the couch, watching TV and feeding my face. Feeding my emotions. I wonder how that’s going to work out when I can’t feed my face because my tummy only holds a couple ounces of food and I have to be careful about what that food is. No more negative Nellie!!
A lot is going my way right now. I have enough money in savings to cover the out of pocket expenses (as long as they schedule this dern surgery THIS YEAR), I only have 1 more hoop to jump through (As long as pulmonologist truly is my last requirement) and that appointment is scheduled for next week! I had my eyes checked in May, and there is no damage to them from the diabetes, I had a mammogram last month and all is clear there…yes, I am fat and have diabetes, but possibly, with that issue resolved in the next 12 months or so, I could be in great health for a woman of my age.
So, here are some things I want to look forward to:
- · Hiking up a hill without feeling like my lungs have collapsed
- · Bending over and tying my shoes, etc without the blood rushing to my head
- · More energy to get through my day
- · Shop in regular stores for clothes. NO MORE LANE BRYANT
- · That big ol’ roll of fat laying over the top of my jeans
- · Double chin go bye-bye
- · Sleeping at night without worry that the fat in my neck might strangle me
- · More lap for grandbabies to sit on
- · No more cracked heels (I hope)
- · Fewer medications (I hope)
- · Look like a better physical match to my husband’s size
- · Have an actual neck again