Monday, April 9, 2018

No Popcorn since March 4th!

As another day goes by, I am reminded of how lucky I am.  I had an amazing opportunity to battle against a life-long fight with obesity.  Since I was a small child, I lived with the chubbiness and then grew into a teenager with all sorts of emotional and social feelings of inadequacy because I carried extra weight.  As an adult this spiraled into a serious problem with obesity that affected me in so many ways, not to mention my health.  I had tried so many times to lose weight.  Strict diets and exercise plans that made me feel deprived and a failure because I could stick with them to my goal.  And accomplishing goals is really overrated.  I probably do not have anyone that would agree with me on this, but because goals have end dates, why would that mean you hit a goal and magically attain perfect?  Nope, doesn't happen!

A Ketogenic diet is really working for me!  I get plenty to eat, I never feel hungry or deprived and for the most part have not craved any carb-laden foods.  Popcorn and candy.  Those were my 2 carb-demons, but none since March 4th!  It could be the 5th.  Im actually not sure, but I was pretty official on my switch over on March 6th because that was my official date to start.

I think I am finally fat adaptive now.  I am not really sure how someone knows this, to be honest.  I only know that after the initial drop in water weight, there wasn't really any loss of weight, but more of a maintenance of that water weight drop.  But last week and the week before, a slight decrease at the scale was detected!  Yay!  It can't be all about the numbers, however.  My clothes are slightly more comfortable and less tight, and that's even better.  I do, however, want to reach at least the lowest weight after surgery, which is still, 15 more pounds.  Then I will have to decide what my real goal weight will be and start maintenance.  Possibly, another 5 - 8 pounds, but we will see.  My guess however, is I will be deep into summer before I find that range.  (or later, I don't care...)

One thing I do have occurring is a follow up appointment with my WLS surgeons office at the end of May.  I want to be able to NOT be up around 190 where I was when they saw me in November.  I think I can make it at least into the 170's.  Here is hoping!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

A month on Keto and remembering the warrior

I have been doing the Ketogenic diet for about a month now. It's been pretty easy overall.  There are some things about restricting myself on certain foods that is never easy, but as far as eating plans go, this one does leave me satisfied.  There isn't the dramatic weigh loss, but I feel like its a slow and steady sort of loss.  And quite honestly, I don't have lots and lots of weight to lose.  I have enough though and my main objective is to lose all the regain.  I think I will get there.  I notice though, as I still seem to have the need to weigh every morning, that it fluctuates up and down, but ultimately lower than where I started.  So, I feel pretty good about that.

This week I haven't used the treadmill very much and haven't walked that much either.  Last week I really overdid it and walked a lot!  My right hip has been aching a lot since then so I think the break has been good for me.


I thought it was time to share a picture.  It's not terribly indicative about progress, but the photo on the left was taken right before my surgery, and the one on the right was taken this past weekend.  It's just a face close-up, but I think it shows some changes overall.  I still have a round face, but that's the natural size of my face.  My neck looks wrinkly, but there was a lot of fat in my double chin, plus I am 55 years old so that's going to happen.

I need to remember how far I have come.  I have done a lot to make myself healthier and I don't miss the size of the previous me.  But, there are a few things I want to consider and say.  I don't want to put the old me in a box of the old me and the new me.  Old me was brave.  She decided to make a difference and break free from the prison of her fat.  She went through some very dramatic and traumatic things in order to make that happen.  She dealt with carrying around 100 extra pounds of weight at one time and she suffered a lot from diabetes and high blood pressure.  She hid her body away from others and suffered from agoraphobia because of her embarrassment being around people she thought might be critical of her.  She is the one that had to make the decision to change her world and her life after many, many years and layers of fat.  She had to shake it loose.  And, she did.  She did this for us so that she and I could have a healthier and hopefully longer life.  She has given us a chance to live again.  To walk, run, lose medications, find clothes that fit, climb hills, breathe easy, bend over, cross her legs when sitting, be in public situations comfortably....feel "normal".

She is a warrior and she is me.  And I will never forget this because where I am now, despite any few pounds of regain or frustrations from time to time that I am not perfect in my attempts, this place now is a good place to be.  I am comfortable in my skin, loose and lumpy as it may be, and with time and effort, it will become what I want it to be.  But, honestly, even if I stayed right here and never lost another pound, I could live with that too.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Keto and Blood Sugars

I an not sure if I have had blood sugars this low since I don't know when?  After my WLS, the doctor told me that my diabetes was under control and I didn't need to take medications for it anymore.  This was probably the best NSV I had on my whole weight loss journey.  And of course weight loss.  So, what happened that made me regain some of that weight?

Carbs happened.  I think that as soon as the nutritionist told me it was OK to introduce some grains back into my diet, I took her at face value and went nuts!  Potatoes, bread, rolls, popcorn, chips and the worst thing of all...SUGAR!  Lots of it.  Black licorice, chocolate, gummies of all kinds.  And the awful thing about these treats is that they are so easy to eat with a sleeve.  They don't take up a lot of room and I can eat them and eat them and eat them.  And I gain weight pretty consistently when I do. I would kid myself into thinking I could handle a little bit and it would be ok, and before I knew it, I was at the bottom of a bag of Smart-pop, or a jar of gummy candies from Lolli-Pops at the mall.  I never checked my blood sugar (denial) and pretty much avoided the scales (more denial).  And I was beating myself up.  The cute blouses I bought for work were getting snug, the jeans I always wore where snug.  I stopped walking every day.  I didn't drink enough water.  I drank coffee with loads of sugary flavored creamers.  Carbs, carbs, carbs....

Reality reared its head a few times when I got the nerve to weigh myself.  And for a day or two or even a couple weeks I would try protein shakes, or Isagenix or just denial of food altogether.  I would  do OK during the day at work when I was busy but in the evenings my mind would wander to that bag of white cheddar popcorn in the pantry or a bag of salted cashews and I would eat handful after handful.

So, finally, when the scale hit 193 and I saw 200 so close to where I never want to be again, I felt pretty low.  How could I have done this to myself after all the hard work, enduring a drastic surgery and the aftermath, not to mention the expense?

The fact is...I am human.  I perhaps over dramatize the amount of junk I was eating.  But, either way, I am not someone who has the genetics to process carbohydrates very well.  The fact that I had severe  type II diabetes is proof of that.

Keto has helped a lot.  I have seen blood sugar readings as low as 82!  I don't think I ever have seen numbers like this.  And, gradually, I have lost weight too.  It's encouraging.  I am in week 4 of following this plan and I don't know if I am fat-adaptive yet, or what, but the weight is slowly coming off, my blood pressure and blood sugar is normal and I am sleeping good.  I find I am thirsty more often, so I drink more water.

I have been able to adapt eating out at restaurants fine too.  I can have a steak, a salad with any full fat dressing, a side dish of vegetables.  I just avoid the potatoes and pastas.

My clothes are still snug, but I have only lost about 10 pounds of regain.  My lowest weight since WLS was 167.  I got as high as 193.  I am now at 183.  I want to see 167 again.  It was a really good place to be.  That's 16 pounds.  I can lose 16 pounds!  I can and I will.  It can take a few months if it needs to.  That's perfectly fine.  I just need to be good to myself and let it happen!

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Trying to Find my Happy Place

It may seem like I am desperate, but I really know I need to find my comfort zone for weight loss and maintenance.  Gaining weight after a successful weight loss is the worst!  It might even be worse than being fat to start with.  Having the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow dangled in front of me...just out of reach, and then denied.  Maybe a little dramatic?

I don't want to be negative about Isagenix.  It was something that got me thinking about losing weight in a more positive light.  It showed me that I can have cleanse days (or fast) and I won't die in the process.  But, it also is drinking meal replacements, and I don't enjoy that.  Life shouldn't be constant denial of all things that we crave.  Like chewing food.  So, I have a huge box of unopened Isagenix products in. my pantry.  Any takers?

So, maybe the shakes and cleanse products weren't my thing.  Then what is?  How am I going to get this regain off and then lose the rest of the weight I want to lose.  Or maybe its just getting the regain off of me and being happy where I was?  It wasn't a bad place to be, after all.

I am in week 4 of doing Keto.  I'm not going to explain this way of eating here because no one reads this anyway, but it helps me to write, so therefore I write.  What have I learned after 4 weeks?
  • I can do this
  • I am not missing the popcorn and black licorice (hahaha)
  • Savory food is my favorite anyway
  • Butter, coconut oil, olive oil, bacon, eggs, meats, fish, cheese, cream---seriously?
  • Chicken smothered in parmesan, cream and garlic with mushrooms?  Yes!
  • Hot wings drenched in butter and hot sauce?  Yes
  • Bacon and Eggs?
  • Real Cream in my coffee?
  • A juicy steak with a side salad and REAL full fat dressing?  YES!
Could a person lose weight doing this?  Apparently they can!   I have.  My weight had got up to 193. I did the Isagenix, had a nice loss, and gained it right back with a few extra pounds.  I remember that cycle and it scared me.  I am now, at the 3 week level down to just under 184 pounds.  It's not super fast loss, but it's loss.  I am trying not to focus on the scale too much though.  There are so many fluctuations anyway.  But, my blood sugars are lower than ever and I seem to be sleeping pretty good now as well as feeling full during the day.

Evenings are still a little problem, but I have found that nuts, some cheese, or even a little natural peanut butter seem to help me.

High Fat, very low carbs and just a moderate amount of protein.  It's working....

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Still Doing Isagenix. Maybe Day 21?

I am not sure what day this is, but honestly I would probably have to subtract at least 2 of them because I wasn't on my best behavior this past weekend or Monday evening.  I made the choice to be bad, knowing full well I would  regret it.  And do I?  Yes AND no.  Mostly yes, because I was on a good roll with the program and following along great, but also no, because I am trying to teach myself a new quality in not thinking in terms of ALL OR NOTHING!  I have to stop thinking that if I am not perfect and successful at every turn then I have to throw in the towel.  I remind myself of this almost daily.  Because, I have had some negative thoughts creep in and I really was letting them affect me and my efforts.  I let doubt that I could be successful creep in there and felt my whole giving up attitude come back with a vengeance.  But NO!  I decided Monday night and again this morning I was going to do a cleanse and I was going to take 1 hour at a time and as each hour passed and I was accomplishing what I set out to do, it became a little easier.  My plan for tomorrow is to tackle it the very same way. One hour at a time....and maybe I can also make it through 2 days of cleansing...then gently let myself go back into regular shake days.  I really want to lose this weight.  I just have to keep my eye on the goal.

I also went in and updated my auto ship, so a new one will be sent out to me later this week.  I can do this!!

Friday, January 19, 2018

Day ? Isagenix

I have no idea what day this is following the Isagenix plan.  How has it been going?  Well, overall I would say it is going fine.  I am not perfect with it to be honest and have had a couple episodes of unnecessary snacking in the evenings; nothing too out of control, but enough that weight loss hasn't really happened since my cleanse.  Not that any of this is bad.  I think it's real-life results.  Even though my idea was to lose weight and am using it as a weight loss plan, therefore, a diet...that doesn't mean a lifestyle change wouldn't be indicative of maintaining too.  Am I sick of drinking shakes 2 times a day?  Sort of.  I have to admit there is something satisfying of eating real food, chewing and enjoying all of that...but, once again, right now I am trying to lose weight so the sacrifice needs to be there too.  And overall, I like the shakes.  I think they have an ok flavor.  I like them better than the protein shakes from post surgery that I lived on.

I have noticed this week that each morning when I weigh myself (and yes, I know that is excessive, but I do it anyway), that my weight has gone back down fractionally, but steadily.  I think I am OK with that.  I plan on doing another cleanse day or 2 next week.  Mainly I have been following this plan each day:

First thing in the morning:  Ionix - not a big fan of the flavor.  Sometimes I drink it in hot water like a tea and that is pretty good.  Sometimes I mix it in my shake, although I am not certain if that is Ok.  Other times, I just mix it up in some water and drink it fast.  It doesn't mix very well though and leaves some grit in the bottom.  I think I may order the liquid next time and see if that is better.

Shake:  After a bit, I blend up a shake in my nutribullet.  It makes it thick like a milkshake.  I usually just have plain water and ice in with 2 scoops.  I often mix vanilla with chocolate or the strawberry.  I don't think I will order strawberry again.  It's not my favorite.  They do have chocolate mint now, so I am pretty sure I will be purchasing that one.  Sometimes I also add a chunk of frozen banana or frozen strawberries.

Snack: After a couple hours at work, I have a boiled egg.  I have really been looking forward to the egg.  It's such a complete food!  Sometimes I also have about 1/2 of a sliced apple before lunch.

Lunch:  Another shake.  This one is a little less appealing because I am at work and don't have a nutribullet there, so I just shake it up in a shaker cup with cold water and a few ice cubes.  It gets thick, but not like a shake.  More like a glutenous sort of thick.  Not as nice, but still Ok.

Snack:  Sometimes I remember to have a snack in the afternoon, but often I am busy.  If I do, it's usually a cheese stick or a few almonds.  Or both.

Dinner:  Food!  I have salmon, or chicken or I even made some Asian Lettuce wraps this week.  They were the bomb.  I will try to remember to add the recipe to my blog.

Evening....this is where it can all go downhill.  I want to snack.  All day I have been good and on track and this is my snacking time.  This is my downfall.  But, I will keep trying and not choose bad snacks.

Monday, January 15, 2018

The Weekend of Doom

It was actually a pretty decent weekend.  I got a lot accomplished that I planned on doing and felt like I got enough rest for a change.  But, my food choices were not that great.  Nope, not at all.  I don't even want to talk about changes to my bathroom scale.  But, whatever happened there was well-deserved.  However, I am now back on track for a Monday.  I had my shake and Ionix this morning, 1/2 and apple, and a boiled egg for a snack, another shake for lunch, a cheese stick for a snack, and soon I will head home and finish my day off with some chicken and salad.  I think it will be fine.  I am in charge.


I plan on having another shake day tomorrow and then on Wednesday I am going to do another cleanse day.  My plan is to do only 1 cleanse day instead of 2.  That's the plan anyway.


I can do this.  I can succeed!