I find myself really fighting depression today. I woke up this morning to my alarm going off and let it snooze at least a dozen times, finally forcing myself to crawl out of bed, get dressed enough to take the dogs outside and then sit on the couch. When looking at the clock I knew I was already running late, but I just didn’t care. I had to stop myself 3 or 4 times from calling in sick for the day. Giving myself only 20 minutes to get ready for work, I finally crawled back upstairs to take care of only what’s necessary. I don’t feel physically sick…I just don’t feel good. Like I am trudging through a dark fog, things feel sad and hopeless and all I’d like to do is crawl into a ball, in a dark room, and close my eyes for the rest of the day.
But, instead I came to work.
I may take the afternoon off. My boss seemed receptive to the idea. I told her I was having a bad day and she seemed understanding, so I might go talk to her in a little while and see if that’s still a possibility.
But, what’s causing this? I did have my doctor submit a new prescription for my anti-depressants. I was taking 300 mg and didn’t like the way they made me feel, so she recommended I use the rest of my 300’s but cut them in half until they ran out. I did that and it seemed to be a fine transition. Now, I am actually taking the full 150mg dosage, but I am wondering if the chemistry is different? I don’t feel well at all. Quite sad. Quite low energy. There doesn’t seem to be a lot to look forward to and yet I know that isn’t true at all. So, the rational part of my brain knows this is all bogus, but for some reason I can’t work through it. At least not today.