Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Feeling a little Blue

I find myself really fighting depression today.  I woke up this morning to my alarm going off and let it snooze at least a dozen times, finally forcing myself to crawl out of bed, get dressed enough to take the dogs outside and then sit on the couch.  When looking at the clock I knew I was already running late, but I just didn’t care.  I had to stop myself 3 or 4 times from calling in sick for the day.  Giving myself only 20 minutes to get ready for work, I finally crawled back upstairs to take care of only what’s necessary.  I don’t feel physically sick…I just don’t feel good.  Like I am trudging through a dark fog, things feel sad and hopeless and all I’d like to do is crawl into a ball, in a dark room, and close my eyes for the rest of the day. 

But, instead I came to work. 

I may take the afternoon off.  My boss seemed receptive to the idea.  I told her I was having a bad day and she seemed understanding, so I might go talk to her in a little while and see if that’s still a possibility.

But, what’s causing this?  I did have my doctor submit a new prescription for my anti-depressants.  I was taking 300 mg and didn’t like the way they made me feel, so she recommended I use the rest of my 300’s but cut them in half until they ran out.  I did that and it seemed to be a fine transition.  Now, I am actually taking the full 150mg dosage, but I am wondering if the chemistry is different?  I don’t feel well at all.  Quite sad.  Quite low energy.  There doesn’t seem to be a lot to look forward to and yet I know that isn’t true at all.  So, the rational part of my brain knows this is all bogus, but for some reason I can’t work through it.  At least not today.

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