Blah Day

I challenged myself to re-read my blog so far and find my motivation and excitement for the upcoming surgery.  My hope was to recharge my batteries and get myself back into the right groove to make this a success.  Here are my conclusions:

• I am a moaner and a groaner
• My weight issues have probably been directly associated to my attitudes
• I seem like an unhappy person
• I don’t have much stick-with-it
   
  My biggest thought on this realization is, I accept that I have been disappointed over and over again in life.  People have disappointed me, I have disappointed me, situations don’t always go as planned and life really isn’t a golden storybook where everything is laid out and we all live happily ever after.  I have met people that seem golden.  They glow with health and happiness, they seem to say the right thing at the right time, they appear to walk through life with little conflict outwardly, they don’t appear to be self-destructive or negative.  Amazing people who you either look up to or envy.  But, there are no perfect lives.  Everyone has trials and tribulations.  I think that some are able to handle these trials with more grace and composure.
   
  As for me, I am a trainwreck!
   
  I also have had a few comments lately from people who know me, have learned of my pending surgery and tell me that they haven’t really seen me as someone who needs a surgery like this.  I find that a little interesting because while I see myself as a behemoth, I know that I am not.  I am in a class of obesity, and seem to have no success with losing enough weight on my own or reaching a level where there is improvement with my health.  It is what it is.  I need to finish what I’ve started.
   
  I have a fairly good idea that once I get the call that I am all approved and ready to schedule my date for surgery, I will snap out of this funk.  So, snap out of it already!