Making Changes

After my last blog post and my feelings of frustration, I tried to focus in on what I could do to make more positive changes.  I have been listening to some videos that were created by a bariatric surgeon in New Mexico named Dr. Duc Vuong and he has been very motivating to me.  So, last week I started  by drinking a green smoothie for breakfast every morning.  I cut out my egg and bacon (at least for now) and drink the smoothie and avoid snacking in between my meals.  Then for lunch I made a leafy green salad with some kind of protein added to it.  I have done this since last week and have already lost some weight I hadn't before.  It took me 2 months to dip below 170 pounds, but I arrived there finally on Sunday, weighing in at 169.2 lbs!  So, by making over 50% of my diet being raw, avoiding all in between meals snacking and then finishing off my day with whatever I want for dinner, I have made a difference.  So far, my dinners have been salmon, I even made an on the grill burger with some bacon last night.  It's been working out pretty good.

I really thought that the snacking would be a problem.  I thought I would miss my morning yogurt or afternoon cheese and nuts, but so far I have felt satisfied.  I have also been drinking more water during the day and between the raw foods and water, I think my system has been pretty happy too.

So anyway....I am super pleased to have finally left behind the 170's.  They stuck to me like glue and I don't ever want to see them again!

By my reckoning, I am getting very close to my goal now.  I am looking at 155 pounds as a good place to hang out awhile and see what it's like.  So...14 more pounds to go!

Is The Honeymoon Over?

I'm not ready for the honeymoon to be over.  I want to go back to those days of tight restrictions to my pouch and the feeling of only being able to eat a small portion.  Heck, I am not even saying it that specifically; I want my brain to stop telling me to keep on eating even though I am done.  I want the passion back in my efforts.  I want, I want, I want....

Life skills.  I have many, many years of teaching myself the bad things to do.  The unhealthy things that got me where I am.  And since my surgery, I have slowly realized that I can go back to those bad things.  My pouch will let me.  It's a real bummer.  But to be honest, I can learn new skills.  I must learn new skills.

It occurs to me that I am already choosing the wrong type of foods.  Where is my green smoothie?  Where are my salads at lunch?  Should I be eating bacon and eggs for breakfast?  (well, egg anyway).  Its time to rethink my diet and my choices.

I still have some more weight to lose, true...but even if I never lost another pound, I am leaning more towards regain in the attitudes I have developed lately.  It's not good.  Please don't let the honeymoon be over!

I am working on week 29 right now.  I am over 1/2 way through my first year.  I have noticed that I wake up in the morning and for the most part follow my normal routines. I get on my treadmill, I go for however long I allowed myself to based off how long I slept in.  I eat breakfast, and it's usually that egg and  2 slices of bacon.  (not such a good choice with the bacon).  I then pack a lunch of some kind of leftovers or maybe some Wendy's Chili and a yogurt with some fruit and cheese.  That will get me through the day.  Then I come home with absolutely no idea what's for dinner.  That starts the grazing habits that lead to beef jerky, cashews, cheese...you get the picture.  This isn't a good pattern. I need to shake things up!

I am going to work on a new plan.

Week 28 Post Op

I haven't been very good about updating here although I do think about it often. I know that I will wish that I had down the road.   So many changes have occurred in the past 28 weeks.  The other day my husband and I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few items and on the way in I saw a girl that used to be on my team at work (I was her boss) and when I greeted her, she honestly didn't recognize me.  I had to actually tell her who I was.  It was a little embarrassing to be honest, but once she realized it was me, she grabbed me and hugged me.  Her expression was either total shock or astonishment.  I have to keep asking myself if it can truly be that I have changed that much?  It doesn't seem like it's possible that I would be that much changed.

I had a pretty rough week, however, despite these kind of experiences.  My eating has been out of control and actually rather like bingeing.  Jim was home for the week, so we ate out a few times and he had a lot of snack foods that I helped myself to.  I have discovered that my pouch doesn't seem to have any issue with M&M's as well as a donut or other miscellaneous bad for me items.  If I factor in a stress-filled week at work, well...you get the picture.  I have GOT TO buckle down this week and take better care of myself.  If it weren't for the fact that I have tried to keep up with all my exercise I would have gained a lot more than the .4 lbs that I have to report.  But, still, I am down to 170.4 from 247 since surgery. It's significant!

This morning I got on the treadmill and made it count!  I ran for about 20 minutes all total, but did cardio for about 47 minutes total.  I am determined to make ground this week and improve on my habits.  When "normal" people have a few days of bad eating and not exercising, they don't usually give up and keep up that same behavior.  I am trying very hard to be like this because the old Shelley would say she is doomed and continue on along that same path until all the weight is back.  Plus some more.  I made a picture collage this morning and it's really quite astounding to me.  This is me at quite likely my highest weight ever.  It was the day of my 1st son's wedding.  What a time to look and feel your worst.  To give myself some credit, I had been going through some very low and depressing times in my life and I am sure these were contributors to my weight gain, but be that as it may, I am in all of my sons photos looking this way.  The side by side photo is this past weekend.  Quite a transformation!

Week 25 Post Op

Week 25!  I can't believe it has been almost 6 months since I had my surgery.  It's been an amazing journey.  If I were reading this blog, I would want to know about the stats, so here they are.  My all time highest weight was a couple years ago at 277 lbs.  I would have to look up the exact date, and I don't even know if this was my highest weight, but it was one that was recorded.  I started this journey (as well as this blog) nearly a year ago, in June of 2016.  You can read all about that process on other posts, but in the end I had my surgery on November 15, 2016, with a starting weight of 247 lbs.  For week 25, I weighed in at 172.8.  That's a loss since surgery, of 74.2 lbs and a total loss from my highest recorded weight, of 104.2 lbs!  WOW!


What does all of this mean in the big scheme of things?  It means I am very close to be done with this part of the process.  My surgeon never gave me a goal weight to achieve, but I do meet with his office next week, so I am going to ask those questions to see when I should slow this rodeo down and start the whole maintenance process.  My guess is, they will want me to lose another 20 pounds, but maybe not?


I am wearing (comfortably) a size 8-10 in pants.  For shirts I am still at a large, although sometimes a medium works out fine.  As a comparison, I started out wearing a size 18-20 pants and 22-24 blouses.  And all of this is only in 6 months!


What is it like to lose this much weight, this fast?  Well, for starters, it's pretty amazing.  I feel amazed quite frequently at many, many aspects of being a smaller more normal sized woman.  My brain hasn't really caught up to the excitement of it all, however, so sometimes I don't "get" the comments made by others on how small I look.  Or comments such as, "You have to be about done losing weight now?!".  I still, for the most part, feel like the same person inside with the same insecurities and want to scoff at the compliments.  I am trying really hard to be gracious though, and accept them. 

Here is a list of positives:

• I can run!  I completed the couch 25K and finished off running for 35 minutes straight.  whew!
• I can walk up and down stairs all day!  I went up and down my stairs the other day just doing routine chores.  35 flights.  I didn't experience anything negative afterwards. No sore muscles, no joint pain.  Just normal stuff.
• I can eat pretty much anything now, albeit a much smaller portion.  I am still trying to focus on protein first.  It fills me up the fastest and is better for me.
• My diabetes seems to be gone or nearly gone!  I haven't checked my blood sugar regularly, but did the last 2 mornings.  103!  That's amazing!  I see my pcp next month so she will check my A1C again and we will see where I am.
• I feel generally happier.  I still have bouts of anxiety at times and stress but these are usually unrelated to how I feel about my physcial appearance and health in general.

There have been a few negatives too...
I am going bald.  I have probably lost more hair than I still have.  It's terribly embarrasing and has brought on an anxiety that I had never experienced before.  I am working on solutions to this and hope and pray that all the experts are right and this is just a temporary situation.  I have found some little stray baby hairs, so am hopeful it will grow back even better than before.  Hope...hope....


So, that's my update!  Pictures to follow soon!

Days Going By

I haven't been very good at updating at this blog in the last few weeks.  Things are going pretty good though and I think other than an extreme slow down to weight loss, I have been maintaining things fairly well.  

I am on week 7 of the couch to 5K program, which means I am now running for 20 minutes straight.  I think I am going to be up to 25 minutes on my next day.  Other than a feeling of accomplishment to be able to do all that running, as I am not sure I could have done that as a younger person, I find that it really rather boring.  I am about 8 minutes into the run and think to myself that I'd like to stop now because I am bored, but for principle sake, I continue on.  So, my thoughts are, I will finish this program and then only use running in between walking to keep things interesting, but not as an ultimate fitness goal.

My last weigh in, I was down to 175.9.  Thats a total loss since surgery of 71.1 lbs, and from my highest recorded weight, 101.1!! That's really crazy to me.  I remember being that weight and holding it as my dirty little secret.  Sure, I can remember weighing in the 170's, but the majority of my adult life has been spent over 200 lbs, and until surgery, way over 200 lbs.  I would have friends or even adult sons, that mentioned their current weight and it being around my size now, and my personal demons whispered in my ear that I was a whole person larger than them.

I don't kid myself that I am now normal sized and this is the end of the show, but I do feel closer to "normal" than I have been in many, many years. The last time I was at this size, I was still in my 20's and struggling with all kinds of body dysmorphia.  

Is it easy?  No, it's not.  My capacity is much more than of months past and I find that the less healthy something is to eat, the easier it is to go down.  What that means is, chocolate, crackers, halo top ice cream, (probably chips), nuts, all go down fine.  The things that I have difficulty eating a lot of are dense proteins, like chicken, fish, pork and beef.  It's too bad too because I really want to eat those things to make certain I am getting enough protein, but usually I can't eat more than a few bites because of the yuck factor.  I do seem to do fine with beans and cottage cheese, eggs and cheese.

This entry doesn't have a lot of flow to it because my thoughts are very disjointed this morning,  but I knew I was long overdue for an update.  I will try to come again soon and try to lay down some more cohesive thoughts.

3 Generations....

Obese to Overweight

It's been some time since I last updated here at my blog.  Things are going fine, if not very slow.  I haven't had a significant loss of weight in awhile, although I am still losing weight, so thats good.  What I believe is my biggest obstacle is me.  I have been allowing myself too many treats.  Even if the treats are sugar free they are not calorie free and make me want other things that aren't very good for me.  I also have allowed myself a little bread here and there, and potatoes.  I am not cooking these things and preparing them myself, but if at a restaurant, it's a side item to my meal, I have been allowing myself the opportunity.  Is any of this OK?  No, it's not.  It snuck up on me rather slowly, a little this and that and then finding out my system seems to handle it fine, I have it again and again.  Anyway, I am sure this is affecting my weight loss.  It's time to get it under control.  I am at 5 months now and almost 1/2 way through my losing weight window, so I can't give it up now!

But, one really exciting thing that happened about a week ago is here.  No longer is my BMI considered to be obese, but has moved to Overweight!  It's funny to be happy about being overweight, but considering the alternative....it's fantastic.

Trying on New Sizes - Saturday Adventures in Shopping

Yesterday wasn't a typical Saturday as I went to town on my own while my husband stayed home and worked on some house painting and organizing of his collection room. I started my day with a gel manicure as a reward for all my hard work and progress. From there I went to the mall to find some clothes for work.

I don't think I have ever shopped at Old Navy before, but was pleasantly surprised at the cute clothes I found there. I am still somewhat in a quandary when I try clothes on as to what size I should be taking into the dressing room with me. So,for good measure, I took in some size 12's, and size 10's and a few tops to try. Honestly, I was feeling more optimistic about the 12's, but the ones I have currently keep falling off of me and I am tired of the baggy rear look. The first pair were some cropped boyfriend jeans. These were 10's. They were very relaxed and not snug at all. I felt they were going to become too loose too fast so I set them aside and tried on everything else. I ended up with some clearance size 10's and those cropped jeans. On a whim, I went to find a pair of 8 in the same style and sure enough...those came home with me!

These are the Old Navy size 8's.  Of course, as mentioned, the upper half of me doesn't quite match the bottom half of me. But, I will get there!

JC Penney and then Kohl's were my next stop. Another pair of cropped gray jeans and a series of tops. Overall, I'd call the day a success! Now I have some clothes for work so I'm not wearing the same 3 tops and saggy jeans every day!

I think this was my favorite blouse and jeans combo.  This is basically my style and I was happy to find a top I liked.

This blouse was really "wide" and billowy.  I think it's supposed to be that way, but what I really liked was the soft colors and the print.  Plus, I think it looked pretty good with the gray jeans.  It will require a tank underneath though, because it's very sheer.

I had mixed emotions about this blouse.  The color and print aren't really me, but I liked the fact that it had the bell sleeves and was very soft and comfy.

this was so cheap on clearance that I went ahead and got it.  It has some pretty lacy trim across the bottom and in the back, and at this point fits a bit snug...but in a month or so I think it will be fine, despite warmer weather on the way.

this has a weird angle because of the 3 mirrors overlapping.  The shirt was really just for fun and to make my husband smile.  It worked!

In looking at these photos it occurs to me that as I lose weight it seems to be mainly off of my lower body and that's why the smaller sized pants are getting rapidly smaller. And while I have definitely reduced my upper body, I'm still looking disproportionate. With about 35 more lbs to lose, it makes sense there's still time for things to even out.

After my shopping spree, I did food shopping and picked up a pizza for Jims dinner and came home. I, of course, made my fathead pizza with black olives and pineapple.  It's my favorite combo right now since the crust and cheese has enough protein on its own.

The rest of the day I worked on crotcheting a slouchy beanie, just for fun. Good day!

Doctor Day and New Sizes

I am taking a moment to write before I go get ready for work.  Today I visit my PCP and she is going to go over the latest blood work numbers with me.  I did see a sneak peek of my results online, so I know I did pretty good!  But, I will talk about that later.

I seem to be bouncing back and forth in weight again this week, but that's ok.  I know my size 11/12 jeans are falling off of me.  It's strange how quickly that happened because I only bought them a month ago and they were tight enough I almost didn't buy them.  On Wednesday I went shopping on my lunch hour.  Actually it was just looking as I didn't buy anything, but I digress.  I took a couple pairs of size 10's into the dressing room, along with some medium tops.  Just to see...

The size medium tops were a bit snug still, and that's fine, but my arms fit in them pretty well, which is a milestone all on its own.  I do have an issue in the way my arms look now.  I have lost a lot of weight in my upper arms, so that has left behind a lot of wrinkly skin.  And because I am no spring chicken anymore, that wrinkly skin is apparent in almost every position I have my arm.  As we are moving into the warmer weather soon, it's going to be really difficult to find shirts with long or 3/4 length sleeves.  I am not sure how that's going to work out.

As to the jeans....at least one of those size 10 jeans fit me TOO LOOSE!  Yes, it's true.  I am going to try on some other ones this weekend and hopefully pick up a few things I can wear to work.  Each different brand of jeans fits a bit differently. Sometimes, even the kind of fabric or color the jeans are in the same style can fit differently, so I am going to try on a few different ones and see if I can find something I am happy with.

Dr. visit update:
My physician was very happy with the fact I have been able to reduce my A1C to 5.9!!  YAY!  So, from 10.2 to 5.9.  This puts me in the "normal" range.  She also found that my lipid panels were great and my cholesterol was in the normal range.  Additionally, my blood pressure looked very good as well.  And, all of this has contributed to my well being and she recommends I start reducing my use of anti-depressants until I am weaned off.  So, here is what went down with medications.  I was taking 1000 mg Metformin, for my diabetes.  She now wants me to take 500 mg and only 1 time a day.  The Lisinopril, for my blood pressure, is currently 10 mg a day, and she'd like me to cut that in half and take only 5 mg a day.  I can completely stop taking Simvastatin for my cholesterol and as for the Wellbutrin for my depression, she'd like me to take that every other day for a couple weeks to wean myself off of them.

I call this a great success!!

Sometimes the Numbers on the Scale Don't Tell the Whole Story

Recently, I have noticed that the number on the scale isn't always indicative of what's really happening off the scale.  I have noticed my jeans getting looser in both the hips/tummy and thighs, even though the scale seems to fluctuate within the same 2-3 pounds.  I am not really all that worried about the numbers on the scale when it occurred to me I am already pretty pleased with the weight I currently am.  Sure, I want to get to a "goal" weight, but all in all...its not a race.    I do believe I will probably level out around a size 7 or 8 jeans.  My tops will probably be a medium.  I am still wearing a size 11/12 jeans and Large top...but that day is coming.  And, it's all pretty amazing.

I went to my PCP's office today to get my blood work done.  I am a little anxious to see what those results will be.  I return on Friday to discuss the numbers with my doctor.  I am hoping my A1C will be close to the normal range.  I confess that I am not 100% perfect in everything I eat.  I have taken a nibble here and there on a small piece of chocolate or a cookie.  It's a shame that those things don't affect me with dumping or something, but so far they never have.

Today marks my week 18 since VSG surgery.  My total weight loss since surgery is 65.7 lbs.  In looking at my weight chart and progress, I really have had a pretty steady loss all along the way.  I think I think there are fluctuations up and down, but really, that's just from my weighing myself every day.  In looking at the bigger picture..it steady downward progress!!

The best non scale victory (NSV) I have had lately is this:

Not only can I cross my legs, comfortably, for a long period of time, but I can do it sitting at my desk or a table and there is room for both of them to slide under there.  Plus, I have discovered how much more comfortable it is to sit that way, because it takes some of the pressure off of my tail bone which has been losing a lot of its cushy padding lately.

Last evening, I went to dinner with my son, Brandon, and his family.  After dinner, his wife took a picture of the 2 of us together so I could send it to another son, Trey, that currently lives out of state and hasn't seen me since November.  I decided to pair it up with a picture that was taken of me about the same time I decided to have surgery.  Obviously, the 2 pictures aren't like poses, but I think there is definitely some comparison's to be shared.

4 Month Post Op, the Flu, and Realizations

The cold I developed over the weekend has turned into the full-fledged flu.  I left work early on Tuesday, and here it is Thursday and I am still not ready to return to work.  I did try to get up and try to motivate this morning, but I had no strength to follow through on anything and realized as I sat there staring at myself in the mirror with my head pounding and the clock ticking by that I wasn't going to make it work.  I just have no strength to get myself into gear.  So, I called into work and told them I wouldn't be in.  I had to call my former supervisor because I don't even have the new one's number in my phone.  I am sure he will be impressed to know that, but I do have it at work.  Between the change in teams, how woefully behind I am at my job and then these missing days, I predict I will spend a Saturday afternoon at the office, trying to catch up on things.  To top it all off, I feel a fever blister developing on my upper lip.  Stressed much?

I have officially made it to 4 month post-op. (see weight chart for the numbers) Its a pretty big milestone for me.  I have really been craving things though.  I don't even know what it is I am craving, but I just feel the need to eat and eat and eat.  I am suddenly seeing how it could be possible to regain weight as some food goes down pretty easy...the kinds of foods that aren't good for me anyway.  Luckily, I don't feel this way all the time, but when I do, I drive myself crazy with the thoughts in my head.  It's all very frustrating because I know I worked very hard to get myself to the place that I am; both pre-op and the stress and angst with all the insurance issues and approvals I waited and waited for, to the recovery from surgery and adjusting to an entire change in my life as I know it.  There is absolutely no excuse for giving into urges to eat crappy food.  And I have been woefully negligent in stocking my fridge and pantry appropriately to support myself when these things come up.  If I had a go-to "good" meal to eat or even a snack to eat, it would make a big difference.  So, I need to get myself together and take better care of me.

In one of my recent videos I made a comment about an experience I had where I witnessed someone eating a very large portion of food, where I knew they had weight loss surgery at one point in their life, and I experienced a moment of fear and awe that it would someday be possible to eat like that again.  I felt a little bad because my comment was somewhat judgmental, I think, and I honestly didn't mean to sound that way, but I think it could have been taken that way.  Some of the thoughts I had after that video and responses to comments, I thought I'd share here:

I don't think anything about this process, for me anyway, has been a quick or easy fix, but I sure have zero regrets. It was probably a good thing I saw the lady eating all the pizza because it was a wake up call that I need to focus on my journey and not on someone else's. The last thing I want to be or appear to be is judgmental of another person's choices. Heavens know I have made my fair share of bad choices and gaining weight after any "diet" is right up there among my more shameful. I have started to experience slider food experiences just recently. I was digging into a bowl of Halo Top ice cream the other evening which also had 1/2 sliced banana in it. It was an appropriate serving size (according to the label) but logically I knew it was by volume, more than I would normally eat. I had no problem eating it down to the last bite. No feelings of restriction at all. And...I am not even a sweets or ice cream person to begin with. So, if someone opened a bag of cheese puffs around me, I'd hate to think of how many of those I could inhale before enough was enough. I am being long winded here, but I think the last week or so I have come to the realization that I will need to continue to put the work in for the rest of my life. I am ever so grateful that this tool is helping get to that more "normal" weight in order to do so. The statistics of someone being 100 lbs overweight and losing without the extra help are quite dismal and I know I spend a whole lot of years battling that and losing time and time again.