Another Year, Another Update

 I truly should come in here and update more frequently because I really think the process is helpful for me in a lot of ways.  But here it is, almost a year since my last post...and not a whole lot has changed.  The world is still in an upheaval and COVID is rampant everywhere.  I still am working from home and I must say I am very thankful that I have been able to keep a steady income coming in.   However, there are things that come up with a lot of loneliness.  My depression has been a no-joke.  My doctor recommended that I start taking the anti-depressants again last November.  She also increased my diabetes medication and added in cholesterol medication.  And of course, the ever present high blood pressure.  But, here we are a few months later and I got things under control.  How?  Well, my last post talked about how I had been doing Keto. And that went well until about May, and I went off and just gave in to every thing I felt like eating.  I managed to gain back plus a few more pounds.  I was pretty disappointed in myself.  It was probably another contributor to my depression.  But, after Thanksgiving I decided to get back on track....to I did serious Keto until the week of Christmas, and allowed myself to break from it during that time. After the new year, I went back on again and stuck with it until my birthday weekend at the close of February.  Back on track after that and here I am mid March and today weighed in an even 200 lbs.  Truly thankful I was able to lose those pounds I gain, but now am going to try and shoot for more.  My goal?  Mostly, just to fit into the clothes in my closet.  

I had another round of blood work with my doctor at the beginning of this month and EVERYTHING had improved so much.  She reduced my blood sugar medication back down, and she was surprised with the weight loss.  She said that Keto should be fine as long as I modify it somewhat.  I don't think she wants me to go too low on carbs.  I am still pretty low overall, but have allowed myself an occasional piece of fruit and am not really counting the carbs in vegetables.  Actually, I am mostly just avoiding bread and potatoes and pasta.  Also sugar.  And I am starting some exercise again.  I really had not done any exercise for a year!  

It's been a rough year.  I have had friends pass away and even a co-worker pass away due to suicide in the fall.  3 of my 4 sons had the virus as well as their families.  It's truly no joke,  I am going to get the vaccination very soon and hope to avoid it altogether.

And that's my update.

Keto and Quarantine

As is usual, I am back to keto.  But, this time, I waited a few weeks to get around to blogging about it.  I think I am about 5 weeks into it now, and I have to say, it really is the best sort of diet for me biologically.  I can still eat delicious normal foods with a lot of flavor, and get full, and really eat as much as I like, I just must avoid those extra carbs.  I am trying and for the most part and I believe succeeding, to stay under 20 grams per day.  

When I started this, which I believe was March 2nd, I weighed in around 216.9.  It could have been higher than that, because that weigh in was a few days prior and anything that occurred after that was total denial and disgust.  2 years ago, prior, I was around 180ish…so how could I have allowed such a gain to occur?  Pretty easy really…  But, the main culprit is carbohydrates.  Since I have had the gastric sleeve, I have known that eating protein and fat fills me up very fast.  I am full up and can eat no more.  But, if I eat candy, popcorn and chips and the like, I seem to have an endless gut.  With Keto, I am eating steak and chicken and a few vegetables…and goodness I get full fast.  I also am not snacking in between meals (and really have no desire to, but if I did I just have to make sure it’s keto-ok).  I am also implementing an intermittent fast cycle where I don’t eat from about 7-8 pm to about 12:30-1 PM.  So, 2 meal a day and sometimes a little nibble in the evening, like some peanuts, 85% dark chocolate…cheese.  And sometimes nothing at all.   Am I feeling deprived?  No…of course I am human and occasionally I long for something I am not having, but overall, I think it’s going very good.

As of this week, I am down 16 pounds.  I’m just hovering at that 200 lb. mark again.

And that brings me to quarantine.  This COVID 19 business is no joke.  The world is in chaos and I have been working from home since 3/20.  Initially, I thought working from home would be glorious, because I much prefer being home than anywhere else.  Yes, home doing what I want to do…but not so much tethered to a 3-foot headset cord sitting in a very uncomfortable chair.  But I am very grateful that I can work from home, have a job, food to eat and all that brings me comfort.  And my vanity also likes the idea that when this pandemic is over with (prayers that is soon) I can return to work back down to my fighting weight.  Or at least being able to wear the clothes that have been hanging unworn in my closet for the last 2 years.  Yes, vanity…but also practical.

So, that’s my update!

Nutrisystem Update

So, week 2 started out pretty well, as far as, my pants were feeling better and I seemed to be maintaining my loss, but not losing any more weight.  I tried to not let that get to me though.  I have gained weight back, true...but it's not like it was in the old days when I was 250+ pounds and dropping 10 pounds could happen in a week or a couple weeks.  Now, the weight comes off in very small increments.  I mean, honestly, between all the keto and isagenix and binging and up and down yoyo's not to mention the sleeve surgery of a couple years ago...my body and metabolism have been through the wringer.  Add to that menopause and just plan getting old...yeah, I am screwed when it comes to weight loss AND weight gains.  *sigh.....

So by the end of week 2, I had not lost another pound and in fact gained a pound or so.  I WAS FOLLOWING THE PLAN TO A "T".

Then came 5 day vacation.  Hello "eat whatever you want even though you didn't plan that at all".  Yeah, I did Ok until about the 3rd day in and then blew the last 2 days away being human and ate all the food that was to be had.  :(

And....I gained.  ALOT!  Probably most of what I had lost.  yada yada yada...water weight gain, blah blah blah...I felt like total crap.  Thank you Labor Day weekend.  You were great....

On Tuesday...back at it and determined.  As of this morning, which is 4 days later, I think I am pretty close to where I was a week ago, so feeling somewhat better and at this point not throwing in the towel.

Please just let me get back under 200 pounds.  please, please please!!

I'll weigh in tomorrow.  It hopefully will be something better than today.  But I do hate that 3 weeks into this journey and I haven't even lost 10 pounds.  Not even close.  Kind of an expensive journey too.

I reevaluated my next auto delivery.  I like the lunch pockets...they fix up nicely at work when I use the toaster oven and add some raw veggies or left over cooked veggies heated up.  It's easy and simple. (but find myself heartily annoyed when someone asks me if I am eating a hot pocket for lunch...yeah...a very expensive hot pocket.  grumble grumble)

 Dinners haven't been too grand, but I removed some of those bland squishy pasta things and am ordering more of the pizzas and such that taste pretty good.  Hey I committed to 2 months.  I have a couple $100 gift cards left over, so I can probably squeeze in a 3rd month with some ala cart items. Let's do this!!

My husband told me this morning that I really don't need to worry about this so much.  He thinks I look great and he hasn't noticed any weight gain.  Bless his heart...of course he thought 272 pounds looked "fine" back in the day too.  So...love you honey,  but you are not trying to find anything that fits every morning when getting ready to work.  He's sweet.  I love the guy...I just gotta love myself too.

So, bottom line.  I am doing this! Even if it kills me and I turn into a hot pocket.

Nutrisystem

Today starts a new day and another diet.  Yes, I realize that we shouldn't refer to the decision as a diet...but quite honestly, it is a diet.  I am giving myself an 8 week time frame to try and get myself into a better physical and emotional space than I have been for months.  I needed some guidance though, and decided to allow Nutrisystem to be my guide for the next 8 weeks.  I think this is a reasonable thing to do, my weight has been steadily climbing, and I am not one bit happy about it.  Aside from the fact that I can't find a single thing to wear in the morning, and am obsessed all day and even into my sad little dreams at night about the state of my ever increasing waistline, it was time to force myself into something big and impactful.

WEEK ONE  FRESH START

Day #1  It's Monday!

The fresh start 7 day plan is where it all starts.  I have done this plan before, a few years back, so I know what some of the food tastes like.  Some is quite good and some is not.  I noticed that what was included in the fresh start box was a lot of those familiar "unfavored" entrees.  But I can do this.  I can and I will!  For breakfast I had my little bag of granola with 1/2 Cup milk.  It's not too bad, actually.  I remember liking it from before.  I am working the late shift this week, so am sort of off track on when my meals are, and quite honestly, I think I might do some eating at my desk, but we'll see how it goes.  A new feature of this plan is the protein shake.  I don't look forward to drinking meals, however, this is considered a snack, so I added it to my blender with a few ice cubes and it was actually tasty.  I drank that on my way into work.  Now it is (what would normally be lunch time, but isn't) and so I ate 1/2 a cucumber that I had prepped this morning.  Along with the entrees, I am required to eat at least 4 servings of vegetables each day.  So, 1  veg down! 

This schedule today is a challenge.  I ate my bean soup around 2:00.  It's 1/2 my lunch.  When I go to my actual hour off, I will eat some more veggies and possibly take a short walk.  I want to try and get at least 30 minutes in a day and have already walked 20 minutes earlier.   So, another 30 minutes and I can go and finish lunch.  I guess I will try and do the dinner entree during my last break of the day which is at 6:30.  It only gives me a quick 15 minutes...but then, when I get off work at 8pm, I can eat the "snack" which I was assigned as well.  I think that will do it for the food.  Tomorrow, I will try to get this all more organized.

*******

WEEK TWO - IN PROGRESS

I thought I would pop in and give an update on how the process with Nutrisystem has been going.  Week one went fine.  There were a few days where my food choices were not the yummiest, but I tried my best to fix them up a bit and make them more palatable with spices or chicken broth.  Additionally, some meals were just a protein bar, which tasted great, but not as satisfying as eating actual....well, food.  But, I would add in a salad or something like that and it bulked up the meal.  And to be honest, with my gastric sleeve from a couple years ago, I never felt hungry.  I am now on Week 2, which is substantially more food than week one.  I also have the options to eat their frozen foods, which make mealtime all the better.  I also am eating 6 times a day, which means I have never once gotten hungry and in fact, have wondered if I even needed to eat that much.  Of course, I was consuming a lot more calories before I decided to take on this new path, but the bulk feels more now.  Probably because of the water, fiber and protein.  

Now, for weight loss.  Initially, in week one, the pounds were dropping pretty good.  I think I ended the week down about 6.4 pounds.  But, then, the day 1 of week 2 I was back up a pound.  Insert unhappy face.  But, I decided it was probably not enough water over the weekend and possibly too much salt added into bland foods.  I decided not to be too concerned.  I KNOW I am doing and eating exactly as outlined, so am not going to let it bother me too much.  The scale still hasn't budged since Monday, but I was noticing, while on my walk during this morning’s walk, my pants are not as snug as they were a week ago.  And THAT, is soooo great!!

So, that's the skinny!

Intermittent Fasting

I am still plugging along with my ketogenic lifestyle.  I wasn't really losing any more weight though and the scale would go up and down.  Since I am doing the Omada program, I am required to weigh in daily because of the scale they sent to me, so seeing what the scale says isn't avoidable, although they do say there should be daily fluctuations but a general downward slide.  And this has been the case, so for that I am glad.   But, nevertheless, a .2 weigh loss in a couple weeks was very disappointing.  So, I decided to revaluate what I was doing with keto and ask myself so questions about the kind of food I was eating along with the amount.  Honestly, my calories were ok and the macros were also Ok, but maybe some of the times of day I was eating were not so much ok.

I started intermittent fasting about 1.5 weeks ago and it has really made a big difference.  I have been doing the 16:8 method, where I fast from 8pm through 12:00pm and then from 12-8 I am allowed to eat within my calories and macros.  I think I had been snacking a lot more in the evenings and it was affecting my progress.  I really haven't done snacking either during the day, so find most of my calories consumed around 6-8pm, but I can only eat so much because of my smaller stomach, so it isn't too out of control.

As of my weigh in this morning, I was at 188.9.  It sure is good to see those 180's again, because its been a very long time!!

I have also been more diligent about making sure I am drinking enough water everyday.  My trick to get into the habit was to wear 8 bangle bracelets in my right wrist, and as I drank 8 oz, I would move a bangle to my left wrist.  I found that I could go through 8 pretty easy that way, and start over again.

Right now, my biggest incentive is to be able to wear some of the cuter things I bought when I was at my smallest...about 15 more pounds should make that happen.

It will happen!

I can do this...

It's been quite a few months since my last update on this blog.  I think its an important one to keep up on though, so here I am.  As I mentioned in previous posts about 4 or so months ago, my son and his family moved in with us.  They found their own place in August.  It was nice having them here, and I did enjoy the grandkids a lot, but my diet suffered.  Around Mother's Day, I caved in with a big chocolate truffle.  And then, it was downhill from there.  I had all kinds of carbs and really just stopped the Ketogenic diet altogether.  This was compounded when I visited the doctor and she told me I shouldn't be doing the keto diet as well.  Honestly though, I could tell she didn't really know much about it and so it makes sense that would be the case.   But, I used it as an excuse for eating things I shouldn't be.  Anyway, to make a long story shorter...over the months I packed weight back on.

In August, I came down with a sinus infection and that spiraled into pneumonia.  I visited the doctor twice in that time and on the first visit I was around 196 pounds and then on the last visit, I was at 199 pounds.  That really was a wake up call for me.  I had this feeling if I went back over 200 lbs, I was a goner.  The following week, despite feeling lousy with pneumonia, I started back on Keto.  It was made a little easier because I had a couple sick days from work and since I was already feeling ill, I knew that the kept flu I had previously would just be part of my general illness anyway.  It worked out fine.  According to testing of my blood, I was in mild ketosis within about 3 days.  It's been 3 weeks now, and I am back down to 190 pounds.  I can see the 180's right around the corner.

I was looking back through all my charts and it looks like my lowest weight since surgery was 167.7 on 6/15/17.  And, at that time, I was feeling pretty "skinny" for me, so maybe 165 will be my new goal weight?  Or something close to that anyway.

I have also signed up, through my insurance with Omada.  They sent me a scale that I weigh on each day and it automatically sends that information to be charted.  There is no specific food plan with the program,  so that is perfect for following Keto while I am doing this.  My main focus is trying to stay within my macros and drinking enough water.

My 2 year anniversary from my surgery is in November, and personally, I would really like to weigh around 175 if possible.  That would be very satisfying for me.  And I think with about 10 weeks, I should be able to achieve that realistically.

So, that is the latest update.

Still Plugging Along

I'm still plugging along the Keto path.  I think.  I can't say that I am really losing all that much, but it seems more downward than upwards and that's a positive thing because I was only upwards.  I've still avoided bread, popcorn, potatoes, pasta and the like.  I did mess up a little bit on a recent trip my husband and I took where I had some corn tortilla chips with salsa.  That was a bit of guilt,  but I don't think it hurt too much and overall I have been very much vigilant about my food choices.  Probably my biggest failing has been nuts and cheese.  Nuts in particular.  Also beef jerky.  But, I allow it anyway and figure it's just the choice I make that is somewhat better than the heavy carb things I was eating before.  I started around 193 in March, and here at the end of April I am around 180.  I'd still like to be comfortably into the 170's before my 18 month doctor appointment on May 29th.  I still think it's doable.  I wish it was more than doable and I could lose another 10 pounds by then,  but realistically I don't think that's going to happen.

My son and his family have moved in with us temporarily and this is only the 3rd or 4th day they have been here,  but I do find that I am not as apt to snack in the evening because they are here.  I have been eating my dinner as planned and then not going back to rummage around the fridge or pantry.  Since that is my danger time, it's got to be a positive thing.  I guess time will tell if that continues or not.  But for now, I think its good.

No Popcorn since March 4th!

As another day goes by, I am reminded of how lucky I am.  I had an amazing opportunity to battle against a life-long fight with obesity.  Since I was a small child, I lived with the chubbiness and then grew into a teenager with all sorts of emotional and social feelings of inadequacy because I carried extra weight.  As an adult this spiraled into a serious problem with obesity that affected me in so many ways, not to mention my health.  I had tried so many times to lose weight.  Strict diets and exercise plans that made me feel deprived and a failure because I could stick with them to my goal.  And accomplishing goals is really overrated.  I probably do not have anyone that would agree with me on this, but because goals have end dates, why would that mean you hit a goal and magically attain perfect?  Nope, doesn't happen!

A Ketogenic diet is really working for me!  I get plenty to eat, I never feel hungry or deprived and for the most part have not craved any carb-laden foods.  Popcorn and candy.  Those were my 2 carb-demons, but none since March 4th!  It could be the 5th.  Im actually not sure, but I was pretty official on my switch over on March 6th because that was my official date to start.

I think I am finally fat adaptive now.  I am not really sure how someone knows this, to be honest.  I only know that after the initial drop in water weight, there wasn't really any loss of weight, but more of a maintenance of that water weight drop.  But last week and the week before, a slight decrease at the scale was detected!  Yay!  It can't be all about the numbers, however.  My clothes are slightly more comfortable and less tight, and that's even better.  I do, however, want to reach at least the lowest weight after surgery, which is still, 15 more pounds.  Then I will have to decide what my real goal weight will be and start maintenance.  Possibly, another 5 - 8 pounds, but we will see.  My guess however, is I will be deep into summer before I find that range.  (or later, I don't care...)

One thing I do have occurring is a follow up appointment with my WLS surgeons office at the end of May.  I want to be able to NOT be up around 190 where I was when they saw me in November.  I think I can make it at least into the 170's.  Here is hoping!!

A month on Keto and remembering the warrior

I have been doing the Ketogenic diet for about a month now. It's been pretty easy overall.  There are some things about restricting myself on certain foods that is never easy, but as far as eating plans go, this one does leave me satisfied.  There isn't the dramatic weigh loss, but I feel like its a slow and steady sort of loss.  And quite honestly, I don't have lots and lots of weight to lose.  I have enough though and my main objective is to lose all the regain.  I think I will get there.  I notice though, as I still seem to have the need to weigh every morning, that it fluctuates up and down, but ultimately lower than where I started.  So, I feel pretty good about that.

This week I haven't used the treadmill very much and haven't walked that much either.  Last week I really overdid it and walked a lot!  My right hip has been aching a lot since then so I think the break has been good for me.

I thought it was time to share a picture.  It's not terribly indicative about progress, but the photo on the left was taken right before my surgery, and the one on the right was taken this past weekend.  It's just a face close-up, but I think it shows some changes overall.  I still have a round face, but that's the natural size of my face.  My neck looks wrinkly, but there was a lot of fat in my double chin, plus I am 55 years old so that's going to happen.

I need to remember how far I have come.  I have done a lot to make myself healthier and I don't miss the size of the previous me.  But, there are a few things I want to consider and say.  I don't want to put the old me in a box of the old me and the new me.  Old me was brave.  She decided to make a difference and break free from the prison of her fat.  She went through some very dramatic and traumatic things in order to make that happen.  She dealt with carrying around 100 extra pounds of weight at one time and she suffered a lot from diabetes and high blood pressure.  She hid her body away from others and suffered from agoraphobia because of her embarrassment being around people she thought might be critical of her.  She is the one that had to make the decision to change her world and her life after many, many years and layers of fat.  She had to shake it loose.  And, she did.  She did this for us so that she and I could have a healthier and hopefully longer life.  She has given us a chance to live again.  To walk, run, lose medications, find clothes that fit, climb hills, breathe easy, bend over, cross her legs when sitting, be in public situations comfortably....feel "normal".

She is a warrior and she is me.  And I will never forget this because where I am now, despite any few pounds of regain or frustrations from time to time that I am not perfect in my attempts, this place now is a good place to be.  I am comfortable in my skin, loose and lumpy as it may be, and with time and effort, it will become what I want it to be.  But, honestly, even if I stayed right here and never lost another pound, I could live with that too.

Keto and Blood Sugars

I an not sure if I have had blood sugars this low since I don't know when?  After my WLS, the doctor told me that my diabetes was under control and I didn't need to take medications for it anymore.  This was probably the best NSV I had on my whole weight loss journey.  And of course weight loss.  So, what happened that made me regain some of that weight?

Carbs happened.  I think that as soon as the nutritionist told me it was OK to introduce some grains back into my diet, I took her at face value and went nuts!  Potatoes, bread, rolls, popcorn, chips and the worst thing of all...SUGAR!  Lots of it.  Black licorice, chocolate, gummies of all kinds.  And the awful thing about these treats is that they are so easy to eat with a sleeve.  They don't take up a lot of room and I can eat them and eat them and eat them.  And I gain weight pretty consistently when I do. I would kid myself into thinking I could handle a little bit and it would be ok, and before I knew it, I was at the bottom of a bag of Smart-pop, or a jar of gummy candies from Lolli-Pops at the mall.  I never checked my blood sugar (denial) and pretty much avoided the scales (more denial).  And I was beating myself up.  The cute blouses I bought for work were getting snug, the jeans I always wore where snug.  I stopped walking every day.  I didn't drink enough water.  I drank coffee with loads of sugary flavored creamers.  Carbs, carbs, carbs....

Reality reared its head a few times when I got the nerve to weigh myself.  And for a day or two or even a couple weeks I would try protein shakes, or Isagenix or just denial of food altogether.  I would  do OK during the day at work when I was busy but in the evenings my mind would wander to that bag of white cheddar popcorn in the pantry or a bag of salted cashews and I would eat handful after handful.

So, finally, when the scale hit 193 and I saw 200 so close to where I never want to be again, I felt pretty low.  How could I have done this to myself after all the hard work, enduring a drastic surgery and the aftermath, not to mention the expense?

The fact is...I am human.  I perhaps over dramatize the amount of junk I was eating.  But, either way, I am not someone who has the genetics to process carbohydrates very well.  The fact that I had severe  type II diabetes is proof of that.

Keto has helped a lot.  I have seen blood sugar readings as low as 82!  I don't think I ever have seen numbers like this.  And, gradually, I have lost weight too.  It's encouraging.  I am in week 4 of following this plan and I don't know if I am fat-adaptive yet, or what, but the weight is slowly coming off, my blood pressure and blood sugar is normal and I am sleeping good.  I find I am thirsty more often, so I drink more water.

I have been able to adapt eating out at restaurants fine too.  I can have a steak, a salad with any full fat dressing, a side dish of vegetables.  I just avoid the potatoes and pastas.

My clothes are still snug, but I have only lost about 10 pounds of regain.  My lowest weight since WLS was 167.  I got as high as 193.  I am now at 183.  I want to see 167 again.  It was a really good place to be.  That's 16 pounds.  I can lose 16 pounds!  I can and I will.  It can take a few months if it needs to.  That's perfectly fine.  I just need to be good to myself and let it happen!