All Hell Breaking Loose

A week or so ago, I "celebrated" my 1 year Surgversary.  I say celebrate pretty loosely because it probably did entail cake and ice cream.  I have been beating myself up pretty badly the last few months but in particular the last couple weeks.  The weight just keeps creeping up on me and my scale.  Yesterday I had to go to my 1 year appointment and I almost didn't do it.  I was having a very hard time facing my failures.

I knew it was going to be bad when I got on the scales in my bathroom, and my weight was the highest I have seen it at 186!!  And, as I knew it would do, it translated to 190 by the time I went to the doctor office, fully clothed.  I was in the 167.7 in June!  I weighed 190 last February.  I just sat in the doctors office and wanted to cry.  In fact, I almost did.

Rachel was very compassionate and asked me what's been going on and why did I think the weight was coming back on again.  We reviewed some things for me to try, which are just common sense, and I already know, but she did bring up a point and that is with my all or nothing mentality, I tend to try to change everything at once.  It's overwhelming to do that, and makes me fail.  She recommended  I try to change just 1 thing for now.  She recommended exercise, because it releases those positive feelings of accomplishment, which in turn, should bring me out of my depression.  But, she reminded me what I already knew and that is that its not going to make me lose weight, that only eating the right kinds of foods will do that.

So, here I am.  I have gone through a lot physically this year.  But, I can do this.  I can try to be more sensible in my actions and eat things more healthy.  I can be more active again.  I can listen to my sleeve and not over-fill it.  I can avoid simple carbs; popcorn, pasta rice and sugars.  I can stop snacking in the evenings.  I can eat slower.  I can blog more.  I can be more positive.  I can update here more regularly for accountability.  One thing I know is that no one wants to hear me go on and on about this, but I NEED to go on and on about this.

So, that's where I am today.