Monday, August 22, 2016


I made a video over the weekend, which I will include here, but the gist of what I was trying to get across was my musings over whether I have missed the window of opportunity on my surgery based off my age.  Perhaps this is a little bit of gratuitous age discrimination on my part, but it is something I have been wondering and worrying about lately.  My husband and I went out to lunch on Saturday and he and I talked a little bit about this too.  He and I only have a 6 month difference in age (he being 6 months older) and we are both going through this thing where in our minds we haven’t aged at all, so we set out to do and accomplish things that we could do easily 5-10 years ago, but now find it to be a bit more difficult.  Or, we think we are still relevant to conversations or ideas and suggestions among others younger than us, and yet we have to stop and wonder if what we say or think or do is even relevant.
He and I are both in roles with our work, that requires us to manage other employees, and along with that comes requiring others to listen to us, do what we say, and negotiate in some way.  But, when it comes to our personal life and breaks down in the quiet moments in our lives, the world is passing us by…and for the most part we are fine with that.  So, to break it down a little bit more, does that also apply to my surgery?
The vlogs I watch on youtube or the blogs I’ve read usually have an author that are much younger.  I would have to guess that the age is somewhere between 27-40.  When I think back to me at that age, I was well aware of weight loss surgery, I didn’t fathom it would be something I would ever do, in fact, even up until a couple years ago, it wasn’t something I had considered.  To me, this is something very last resort….and being 53, I guess that is proof that it IS last resort.  But, did I wait too long?  Have I not given myself the time I need to enjoy a healthier life.  Sure sounds like a stupid thing to ask oneself!
I think a lot of this stems from the surgeon requiring this sleep study.  Yes, based off my weight…but I have been an overweight person for almost my entire life.  I have had 6 major surgeries…no one ever questioned whether my weight was a factor in their success.  But now, I am required to jump through extra hoops, based off more than my weight, but also my age.  Yuck.  In total honesty, it’s a good thing to be cautious.  I don’t want to die from complications that could have been avoided, but it raises new questions and worries in my mind.
Today is Monday, I meet with the pulmonologist on Wednesday.  I guess I will have to wait and see where this goes from here.  I feel so disconnected from the Bariatric group that I started this process with.  I probably need to see if there are any support group meetings out there to help…but I also have been resistant to going to those until I actually have the surgery.  In the meantime, I guess I will continue to read blogs, watch videos and try to see if anyone out there hears me.

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